Having viewed myself in the most honest way I could,not trying to escape me but seeing me with raw eyes, drug-ie veils layed aside,I must admit that, even though I had for many years found great identification in being a caring person, all this “caring” had nothing to do with the other person involved.
Mainly it had to do with my own fixation on wanting things to be a certain way so I could control it all..and of course in that fixation I knew pretty well what was good for the other person and I was pushing my way through to them.
Why? Because I was really caring? Well… No, Love! I was not!
I was so much involved in having things my own way so that I could control loss… so that I could control opening up and connecting deeper… so that I could control being vulnerable that my “caring” was nothing but a well curved label to decorate fear in a way that it wouldn’t be noticed.So that I could keep on judging the other person for how little they give in relation to how much I do… so that I could keep having “adequate” reasons to run away and be “safe” in my rigid loneliness.
Funny how I thought I was so soft and open and the others closed and hard.
Funny how all those ways I was trying to impose in a well covered with knowledge way, were not even close to what the other person really needed from me.
Funny how I was so violent to them, when all I thought I did, was being soft and caring.
Funny how all this “Love” has nothing to do with love but fear.
Funny how selfishness can be so impressively disguised as selflessness.
Do we ever take a step back and care enough for someone to just let them be?
Can we bear a reality,where we come face to face with all our fears,when not in control and still say…
“Have it your way”?
Can We understand that our caring about the other has for its greatest part nothing to do with the other and all to do with our fear?
Can We see that in our greatest “caring”, we failed to see the other person?
To welcome who they are in our Lives and not who we wanted them to be?
Isn’t that what our parents/society has always done? “Caring enough” to dictate us all the ways we should be and all the things we should become?
Can We stop and acknowledge that We are not that different from the ones we hold accountable for our suffering ?
Who is going to break this cycle, if We are so invested in “caring” so much that we wanna “kill” whatever doesn’t match our ideas and doesn’t protect our fears?
Will we ever embrace diversity as a way of evolution instead of a threat to our identity?
Come on, Love! There must be more than that.