In dreams 2018

Looking at what happens in dreams, which I’ve been doing for some time, I find some main themes are repeated. These is the connection between the waking and sleeping self. It appears that what really bugs me about my life, my self, the world and people… shows up in dreams.

I’ve begun thinking about dreams as places: places I visit when I’m asleep. In these places I seem to have the same frustrations and problems I have when awake. I’ve always felt stuck, trapped… in dreams these places appear as prisons: places I can’t get out of. I’ve always had a problem with money. I don’t like being told what to do. So being told I have to work or die just pisses me off and makes jobs a misery. It’s not the work. It’s the “you have to” part. As a result I’ve been penniless, a lot. So another repeated theme is I’m often broke and depending on others in my dream scenarios.

Here’s an observation: I’ve often had plenty of money and been free to do almost anything; this self hardly ever shows up in dreams. The negative self seems to be the predominant character. I find the bad feeling is always the one that makes to deepest impression on the self.

So what I’ve been testing is constructing better dreams. Dreams where the prisons and monetary needs don’t exist. I say constructing but what I really do is more instructing. I say something to myself like “visit better places” when I close my eyes at night. Nothing more than that.

It’s happened a few times, that I recall, that I’ve got to these netter places. Been doing it now, when I remember, for a couple of weeks. This is a big deal to me

abused and shamed

The abused and shamed go one of two ways, sadism or masochism. The degree of either reflects the individuals conceived pain. Conceived in that each persons reaction to pain, physical or emotional, is different.

Human nature is malleable, shaped by its environment. The initial slate of human nature may not be blank, but it was certainly cleaner. The other day I heard someone refer to a five year old boy as, kind of mean. After I thought about it for a while, I could see it.

The only thing I know about the boy, from talking to him, is he feels he’s being forced to do things he doesn’t want to do: like go to school. I understood. Having to, being forced to, go to school was a major pain for me. My reaction to it led me into more pain.

All people have painful memories. However we’ve individually conceived our pains isn’t all that relevant. Our reactions are relevant.