Of bugs and gods

…another thing I found absurd was the way people treated other creatures like bugs and spiders. As soon as they saw them they tried to kill them and when I questioned why they would always come up with all of this fear based rhetoric like “Oh it will get me” or “it’s just a bug” which is so arrogant and stupid. I remember one time there was a little spider on the floor and everyone was freaking out, and I just took a pizza box and let the spider crawl into it and then took it outside and released it and people were shocked. Another time there was one on the table and people said “Smash it!” and I just took a piece of paper and let it go on and then put it outside.

If there are some aliens that are way more advanced than us does that give them the right to say “Ah, these pathetic creatures are just humans, they are expendable”? Why do we think we are special and more important than other forms of life? They have just as much of a right to live out their existence as we do. A lot of the time it was from very religious people and this is a major source of this conditioned thinking, believing that a “god” made humans and thus they are special and can do whatever they want to the planet and all other creatures. It’s just totally sick.

People say “how can you be so arrogant, only ‘god’ can know” but this is such a stupid rhetorical argument that promotes violence and non-thinking. The idea of “god” in itself is the most arrogant thing, thinking that something better than what us humans are is going to come and save us is the ultimate delusion and escape from reality and taking responsibility for our lives. By this logic “only god can know if god exists” so we shouldn’t care anyway. It has nothing to do with our lives and cannot help us to understand our minds, fear and confusion nor conditionings.

One thing that I was really thinking about was the idea of god. I understood how so many problems came from authority and religious thinking, but I really wanted to understand why Jessica and Diego criticized this idea in itself so much: “what did they mean that it was violent? Couldn’t you believe in a god without forcing it on others?” and this is something I really thought about. I thought: “why does this idea exist in the first place?” I remember realizing that we were not born with this idea when we were kids and only cared about it after we were told about it, and this was really important to me.

I knew that we were a lot more peaceful as kids and I remembered not really caring so much about this idea until it was conditioned into me after years and years. I thought, “So why did I care now?”, and it was the fear of the unknown, this fear to not exist. This was such a scary idea, but what does it actually mean? Why do we want a god and to exist for eternity? Why do we want to live forever if we can’t even handle our life now? This can’t really help us solve our confusion can it. So I wanted to think more about these topics, but I realized that I did not need this belief and that like all other beliefs it existed in relation to the fear of its opposite.

The need to cling to a god as some kind of ultimate existential truth and guarantee exists because of our confusion, and that’s why it was not important when we were kids until we were conditioned to believe that it was important and that we needed a “god” and were broken without it. We were not confused then, we just lived our life in peace and had that inner understanding cultivating our private inner world of self-observation and thinking that we progressively gave up for other authors, which became our authorities, as we got older.

The idea of god in itself is completely authority based, and thus all about fear and control. And why does it matter so much to us? Why do we so desperately try to encapsulate the unknown into this simple superficial blanket answer from the known? It just limits ourselves and prevents us from thinking and understanding further. I had always been upset by the idea that I could never be good enough, that I could not overcome sin like Jesus, but I always suppressed it because I thought it was arrogant and being with “god” as a very good person would be enough. But I always wondered what would happen if someone did live their whole life without sinning and overcame it.

I also really did not like this idea of “use me” (which is a song in church) as it felt so disgusting to me, like I was just a tool, but again we say oh no but it’s “god” so it’s okay and good, but this doesn’t make any sense, it’s just more misty verbiage to not think. And what about all of the confusion that comes from this idea? How much have people spun around in circles for millennia praying for change, hoping and waiting for something to happen or wondering how it all fit into “god’s plan”?

Nothing can ever change as long as we are unable to think and insist on clinging to these ideas to escape what we do not understand. This idea can’t be anything but violent because it makes people dependent on it, thinking they need it and afraid to lose it, unable to think and forever stuck in conditioned thoughts, separated from their intelligence: emotions, perception, imagination, intuition and their whole mind all corrupted by an intellectual dictatorship. We like the idea of a “god”, of some kind of ultimate existential authority so to tell us what to do because we are afraid of life, afraid to think, so we try to set up some security by clinging to such a thing. The need of the transcendental grows where there is confusion and only brings more confusion and decay of intelligence.

I realized that I did not really even care about god, what we actually cared about was the semblance of psychological security that we got from believing in a “god”. We never cared about this thing as kids, until we were conditioned to, and now it was a way for us to escape from our fears, fear of the unknown, the fear of death, the fear of the future, and so on… rather thank thinking and understanding our fear. by- Peter Gebauer